Månad: oktober 2024

My notes continue. I have many through the years, but I want to pick out some that you may find interesting.

It was Peggy Ferro, who told me to come with her to a workshop, ”Care for Caregivers”, lead by Raymond Jacobs from Gay Men’s Health Crisis in New York.

I talked to him, and he said I could take part as an observer.

I have written about this before, when I have written about John LoCoco, but I will mention him again and only a few of the things that we did.

We sat in circles, and Raymond Jacobs asked us to think 5 years ahead, Realistically.

John LoCoco said that he would probably not be here, but that he was hoping for compassion and empathy.

Several of the others had the same thoughts, that they wouldn’t be there.

The next assignment was to think about the relationship to the to AIDS patient.

”There are assholes. They were assholes before, and they will continue to be assholes. But you must find a way to deal with your patient. Always.”

”But how do you do it, when they are so difficult?”

”Be true. Try to find similarities. ”

He talked about love, tolerance and patience, and then he asked about emotions.

”What emotion stands in the way of your work? ”

Fear, was the emotion that was mentioned the most. Having lost a whole  generation of men that were free and full of love, as one man said.

Fear of being inadequate, fear of loving the patients too much, fear of getting too involved, and of suffering.  Fear of having colleagues with AIDS.

Guilt was another word – guilt, when one takes care of oneself.

Later he wanted us to talk about good feelings.

John LoCoco mentioned that he was going to speak to Pope John Paul II, the next day. John was one of the people with AIDS that had been chosen to meet the Pope, and he had a real desire to connect with the Pope. He wanted to tell the him to be ”more Christ like”, and he actually did.

In the last exercise we were asked to imagine a person in in front of us, and we were to tell that person why we volunteer or work with AIDS.

”Your payback, for doing this. What is it?”

I don’t remember who I looked at, but for me the payback was working like this, meeting people, writing and traveling.

This workshop was filmed, but I don’t know who did the filming, but as I looked for it, I found a lot of interesting material -also interviews and programs with Raymond Jacobs and others, at  The New York Public Library, ” AIDS Activist Videotape Collection, 1985-2000 – NYPL Archives”. They say there were films also made in LA and SF for example – but I do not know where.

I met Raymond Jakobs one more time – in Stockholm, probably in connection with the 4th International AIDS Conference in Stockholm, 1988.

He was leading a workshop with volunteers, at Noaks Ark. I think one can say it is equivalent to Gay Men’s Health Crisis,  and I took part as a volunteer this time.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the model Sighsten Herrgård had come out as being  ”a person with AIDS”. He had many friends, and among them royalty, our present King´s sister,  Princess Christina.

They had both talked at an AIDS gala on television, and after that many people had contacted Noaks Ark, wanting to be volunteers. And some of them took part in this training.

When we came to the part when we talked about why we do it and payback, something happened.

Two older women told us they had volunteered because they wanted to save the homosexual men and help them when they died, and there was talk about Jesus.

Raymond Jacobs immediately told them off, and both of them were asked to leave Noaks Ark. It was quite emotional, and dramatic.

Raymond Jacob died in 1983, he was 45 years old.

 

 

 

Dear Friends,
Notes from September 15, 1987, with additional notes from the present.

I had met a man at Amelia’s the day before, and he had advised me to contact a woman called Joy Wallace at the NAMES Project.

She was not there that day, but I sat very content in a corner, cutting out names for three Panels, three men that had died in Sweden.

I needed the last name on one of them, ROAR; and I tried to call his former partner, Sighsten Herrgård in Sweden.

Here is Roar, the first man to get an AIDS Diagnosis in Sweden.

Sighsten Herrgård was a well known model and dress designer who had recently been forced to come out as having AIDS. Someone at the hospital had told a journalist that he was a patient at the AIDS ward, and that journalist threatened him, I guess demanding a scoop – but Sighsten wouldn’t have any of it, so instead he called for a press conference together with the doctors. He was the first famous person in Sweden who talked about it. Unfortunately I could not reach him at the time.

He passed away in 1989, but I know he managed to see the Quilt, or parts of it, probably at the 4th International AIDS Conference in Stockholm. He was very moved by that Roars name was there.

Some time after his death, we were four women who made a Panel for Sighsten.

 

Richard Locke, the porn star and AIDS activist had walked in through the door at the NAMES project, and had said yes when I asked if I could interview him.

However, I did not know how to reach him, so I went to bar where I was told he worked at times. One walked in through heavy black or dark brown leather curtains.

I did not remember the name, but through the helpful people at the AIDS Memorial, and Rita Rockett who knew Richard, I now know it was Castro Station.  I probably came in to a kind of reception.

I did not know if it was place only for men, but I felt oddly out of place, and just left a note with my number for Richard.

( And when we met some time later, it was quite a whirlwind experience! I don’t think anything could have prepared me for that interview! )

But for now I sat with my Panels for ROAR, for MATTI, the first AIDS patient with KS that I met when I worked as an orderly at the AIDS Ward at one of the hospitals in Stockholm, and for PETER C., the first man I knew that had died of AIDS.

Peter C. was a textile designer that had lived in New York for a long time, but had returned to Sweden. I remember he held a party when he came back home, and I was asked to come along by a friend of his. We had never met before, and we never met again, but he suddenly stopped, and locked eyes with me. I never knew why.

I worked at a graveyard in the summer of 1986 – just to be outside for a change – and I was asked to carry a box with ashes to the chapel, when I suddenly saw whose ashes I was carrying, Peter´s.

The ashes were to be placed in the Chapel until the ordinary staff came back from their holidays,and could take care of them, but I knew Peter had to be buried  fast. His partner was very sick, and I wanted him to know that Peter was buried. So I took Peter to the boss and explained the situation, and we buried his ashes early next morning.

MATTI, the young Finnish man who was covered in KS, to my joy his Panel ended up on the NAMES Project poster for 1987. You can see in the middle on the left hand side. I think my old poster is losing some colour.

 

I was forever trying to get ahold of Cleve Jones – but he was so busy! It took some time!

I was staying with two nice women in Berkeley, and when I called them they said that Irene Smith – that I had previously interviewed – had called and said that Elisabeth Kübler Ross wanted me to read the script to her book about AIDS, before I came to her workshop in New England. I could pick it up at Irene´s place.

So much to do! Nice!

If you scroll down here in my blog you’ll find stories about Irene Smith and others and about Richard – not the interview though – it’s coming.

And, you will find his brother, Robert ”Bob” Locke. Actor, author, teacher. I had asked him to take me to Richard´s grave.

Richard’s grave is to the left, then it is their parents, and a sister.

Bob was for some reason testing me – I have realised that I was a rather innocent woman before I came to SF, even though I have ”been around” – but I had met his brother, so I was prepared! Almost.

I don’t know if Bob was waiting for reactions, when he told me that they had had sex when they were young, he and Richard… I remember saying Oh!, or when he showed me a box with Richard’s things and suddenly showed me a close up of Richard’s penis. ( I think. ) It was like he was checking me. But what could I say? Maybe Oh! again

I think I passed the test, because we stayed in touch for years, and he sent me his books. AND – he let me print what he had written about the last days of Richard.  You’ll find it if you scroll down to the first piece about Richard Locke.

Something happened later, you’ll find it in the piece called: ”What can I say? I’m BOB!”, that would really upset me, for days.

But this was September 15, 1987.